IM PRETTY MUCH A 14 YEAR OLD SLUT ALL OVER AGAIN GOD DAMMIT
It’s such a weird feeling being around someone you once shared everything with,and were completely crazy for, and then to spend time with them after falling out of love and moving on from them in both senses of the word, is just strange, it’s just a totally different experience, I’m not used to it, and I feel so restricted to conversation, there’s not really much to talk about, like… How are you going? Whats new buddy? oh true well since you’re asking apart from you completely ripping my heart apart and being an immature prick about everything I’ve been really brilliant especially not having any one to talk to the past month has just been really peachy, not lonely at all no, and new? oh you know, I’m a major cynical bitch now and I think I’m a lesbian and want to become a Buddhist monk and go live in a cave for ten years after this whole ordeal, but enough about me, whats new with you? but I just seem to answer, just fine thanks, not a lot yourself? when really I’m just drawing my hand back to not slap him in the face and cry are you fucking kidding me how do you think I am? ahh yep pretty much cool. okay well this post is just all over the place, but I just needed to record this little notion of words somewhere where my sister or brother aren’t going to read it, so… pretty much
I can’t write about this but I can’t keep it in so I guess this is how it has to be. I didn’t think it would be this hard to be so far away and I didn’t think I’d remember all of this so vividly and I guess that’s my curse because I need you and I need the way you look at me and I need you to. need me and I need you to keep needing me. I am selfish and I keep replaying all these moments, the simplest things where I touched your hands or you said something nice about my hair. I can’t put half my heart into this and you and us and I can’t write about this. I am weeping and I questioning whether this is what it means to be alone or free?
